DESIRE DIFFERENCES: COUPLES WITH DESIRE DIFFERENCES – FREQUENCY AND OTHER ISSUES
However, frequency is not the only issue these couples disagree about. They may also have differing opinions about when to make love. As one man put it, "My wife thinks having sex first thing in the morning is the best of all possible ways to start the day. Personally, I need a good hour of peace and quiet and a couple of cups of coffee before I can even talk to someone, no less make love." Another patient, a young divorced mother of two, says, "My boyfriend is into spontaneity. He wants to be able to surprise me in the shower or walk through the door at five o'clock and have sex on the kitchen floor. The other day he showed up during his lunch hour with sex on his mind and he got really angry because I wouldn't drop everything and go to bed with him. I'm sorry, but I just can't get turned on knowing that the baby is about to wake up from her nap and my son is due home from kindergarten in ten minutes."
In addition, these couples often disagree about how to have sex. It is not uncommon to hear one partner call the other "abnormal" for showing interest in oral sex or new sexual positions. Or the higher-desire partner may label the low-desire partner "frigid" or "uptight" or "too mechanical" for always insisting that sex be performed in the "same, exact, incredibly boring way." Couples with desire differences also may not see eye to eye on the subject of who should initiate lovemaking.
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